Behind these Eyes
by Haipa Ookami
Summary: They just don't see me...no one does...I'm just invisible...Why am I here? Why am I alive? I just...I don't want to feel like this anymore...I want to be in the sky, I want to be a cloud, I want to be free. Please, if I jump, will my wish come true?
1. Sad blue eyes

**Hey guys :) nice to meet you all! I've written so many fanfictions but deleted all of them..so I hoped I picked a good one to start with :) I hope you guys enjoy this, and reviews will be very well wanted! :D I hope you enjoy! :{D oh and...Idk who the couple is gonna be yet, so...SUSPENSE! :{D**

I can't remember the last time I ever laughed. Actually, I don't think I ever have. Sitting here at breakfast, watching my friends laugh, I realized I've never laughed before. I guess I should try to talk to them more. It's my fault; I'm way to shy! That's it! I'm going to talk to them...Now! Okay…maybe now! Now! Now? All right so I wont speak up, but how can I when I know they wont listen. I looked up from my tray at their smiling faces. They all looked so happy.

"Hey Sakura?" I jumped when I heard my name. I felt my heart start beating fast and my cheeks redden. Darn, I hate that I blush so easily!

"Y-Yes Ann-Chan?" I stuttered. I hope I didn't say that to excitedly. She paused to hide a laugh before answering. The others snickered.

"Are you gonna eat that?" She pointed down to my eggs and toast.

"Ah, n-no. You can have it"

"Thanks!" she grabbed my tray and turned away without another word. I can't believe how much of a loser I am. I was so excited when all she wanted was toast.

The bell rang and everyone stood up to leave.

"G-Good-by-" I tried to say but I was interrupted when Mio tipped and spilled his milk…on my bag…

"Hey Mio! Walk much?" Laughed Rio.

"Yeah seriously, you spilled milk all over someone's bag!" Kara yelled.

"Its alright, It was my fault! I shouldn't have left my bag-" I tried to say but Mio cut me off.

"Lets leave before they get back! I don't want to clean it!" and…they were gone. I could hear them laughing down the hall saying things like "I feel bad for that person" and "that sucks." I stayed in my seat as everyone left the cafeteria. I lowered my head and clenched my hands on my skirt.

_Don't cry! Don't cry! It's my fault for leaving my bag on the table. That's no place for a bag! And I should have spoken up louder! I need to speak up! Not their fault. Not their fault. It's mine. I wish I wasn't so weird. _The bell ringing made me snap my head up. I grabbed my bag and went to the bathroom to clean off whatever I could. When I walked into class, the teacher made me stand outside for 15 minutes before going back in. The class laughed at me, and my friends never even noticed.

Lunch came so slowly today. I walked down stairs with my bento towards the cafeteria. I could see my friends there. There were talking about this morning still. I tried to sit next to Ann but Kara came and took the seat. There was only one seat left, at the end of the table. I sat down and started at my lunch. I just didn't have the heart to open it.

"Hey Sakura!" again, a repeat of this morning. I answered so excitedly they all laughed.

"Are you going to eat that?" Mio pointed to my bento.

"Ah-"

"Hey, thanks!" and my lunch was gone. I turned my head down and tried to ignore the pain in my chest.

"Hey, Sakura?" Mio turned to me again.

"Y-yes?" I said timidly

"Where were you this morning? You missed it at breakfast! I tripped and spilled milk on someone's bag! It was hilarious!" He went to a fit of laughter as he opened my lunch.

"Aha" I feel like crying. Did anyone ever notice me?

"You shouldn't miss out breakfast you know, its not healthy!" and he turned away. My chest felt like it was going to explode. I stood up.

"I'm not really hungry, so ill see you all later…" nothing. They didn't even hear me.

I turned and walked away with my head hanging down. My body carried me up the stairs and down the hall to class. Before I got there, I noticed the door to the roof. It was off limits to students but I opened the door anyway. I opened the door and walked up the stairs.

_This is new. Never broken a rule before. Funny, right now I couldn't care less what I did…I wonder what's on the roof. I hope its pretty._

When I got to the last step, I could see the light shinning from the door. I opened it and stepped out onto the roof. It was beautiful! It was so sunny and warm! I walked forward to the rail that over looked the front back of the school. I could see the track field, the softball field, to the right were the outside volleyball courts, and to the left some picnic tables, benches, and a few plants. Behind all the fields was the city. Or, the country part of the city. Where I lived. I could see the river winding down, the forest stretching out further than my eyes can see, and the small simple houses that were built along the dirt road. I crossed my arms on the rail and put my head down on them.

_So beautiful! I guess I should be thankful for my eyes to see this._ I closed my eyes.

_Maybe…but I wish I wasn't such a loser. If I wasn't so weird I could fit in better with my friends! Why was I born with freakish long pink hair! I'm short, shy, a geek, a bookworm, weird; I'm so weird that I haven't even gotten my period yet! And I'm 15! Why can't I be normal? I want to talk to my friends; I want them to talk to me! I should try harder! Maybe dye my hair to a normal color. And there has to be books on social skills! _

…_What's the use?_

I sank to my knees, hands still holding on to the rail.

_It doesn't matter what I do. I've tried the books, and nothing has helped. And hair dye? Please Sakura, you don't even have enough money for food. I can't ask mom and dad for money. They barley make ends meat…and its not like there ever home to even talk to. Just like in school, I'm like a ghost at home. No one notices me. It doesn't matter what I do. I cook for mamma and papa but they don't even notice me at the dinner table. I run away for days, and not even a glance when I come back. At school, why should I bother? My friends can barley remember my name half the time. My teachers even ask me if I'm new every semester. I can't take this anymore! _

I couldn't help it. I started to cry.

_ Why was I born! To be invisible? To live as a ghost? What kind of life is this when my own parents don't even know who I am? Why am I here! Why was I born? _

I cool breeze made me look up. I could see the beautiful blue sky. There were huge white fluffy clouds gently moving to the breeze.

_ What if I wasn't born? Would anything be different? I bet nothing would change. Whether I was born or not, the world has no place for me. I'm nothing…_

I stood up, my legs shaking as I leaded on the rail for support. I didn't even notice I was breathing so hard. I could feel my cheeks turning red, and I could feel the tears flowing down my face.

_ What if I just disappeared? Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? Would mamma and papa notice that I wasn't cooking dinner anymore? Would my friends notice I wasn't around to give them my food anymore? Would my teachers notice I wasn't in class? Would anyone notice I was gone?_

My legs almost gave out from under me. When did I get so tired?

_I don't want to wonder any more. I don't want to think. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't want to live like this. I don't want to live! _

"You shouldn't think things like that. Self-pity is nothing to kill yourself over," said a deep voice. I jumped and turned around. My heart was beating faster then it ever has before. At first I couldn't see anything. I just looked around rapidly trying to find the source of the voice.

"Things may be bad right now, but that doesn't mean they'll be like that forever." He said again. I froze before I slowly turned to look above the door. Standing on the little roof, was a tall boy. He was wearing a white-collar shirt and black slacks. His collar was undone, giving him that bad-boy look. He was the most…beautiful boy I've ever seen. His skin was pale, like a cream color. And his eyes, onyx. Beautiful onyx. His hair was jet black. He was gorgeous.

I could only open my mouth and let air out. I could feel my cheeks turning even redder, and I was still breathing hard. I could only imagine what I looked like in his eyes. All wide-eyed and shaking. I probably looked like a frightened bunny. I had to say something.

"H-how d-did y-" I tried to say but everything came out wrong. I tried again.

"H-ho-how d-" I couldn't get it out. I lowered my head and leaned back against the rail for support. My knees were giving out, they were shaking too much.

_How did he know what I was thinking? How could he know? No one was supposed to ever hear that! I'm such an idiot! I must have been speaking out loud! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Loser! loser! LOSER! _

_ "_H-" I stopped again. My heart was beating so fast.

_What is he thinking? He has to think I'm pathetic! Why did I come here? Why did I have to be so stupid! Please! Please someone help me!_

My knees finally gave out. I fell with a thud to the floor. I brought my hands to my face and let out a loud sob. I was crying hysterically now. I could hear how loud I was being, but I couldn't stop it.

"I-I'm-s" dammit!

_I hate this! I hate this stutter I have! I can't even speak! He already thinks I'm crazy! I'm just making it worse! Why am I so stupid! Why did I ever think like that! Why did I admit I want to die! Why! I'm sorry! Please, God, I really am sorry! Ill be better I promise! I'll stop being so weird! Just please help me!_

My sobs got louder. The pain in my chest was overwhelming me. I felt so lonely and sad, and it hurt. I used one hand to clutch the area where my heart is, and I used my sleeve to cover my eyes.

_It hurts! My heart hurts! I don't want to be alone anymore! I don't want to be invisible! I don't want to be a ghost! I want mamma and papa to talk to me! I want my friends to see me! I want to feel like someone cares! I don't want to hurt anymore! Please! Make it stop! Help me!_

I never knew I could cry this hard. I never would have thought I would. I almost forgot that there was someone watching me. I tried to apologize again.

"I-I'm-I" why can I say it! I let out a frustrated scream. I stopped when I felt a warm hand gently hold the one above my heart. I opened my eyes and started into the bluest eyes I've ever seen. They looked so sad, and hurt. I could see myself in his eyes. A sad girl, with long messy hair who looks defeated.

"Please, stop" he whispered. The pain in his eyes…he looked so hurt. Such deep sorrow. I didn't stop crying, I couldn't. It only slowed a little. The tears still rolled down, and I was still breathing hard. I could feel my cheeks, hot and warm. My heart hadn't slowed whatsoever. My eyes stung from all the crying. The boy pulled my shivering cold hand and held it gently in firm warm one.

"Please" he whispered. His voice was so gentle, and soft. I couldn't stop staring into his sorrow filled eyes. I was vaguely aware of the presence next to me. I barley felt the hand touch my neck. My eyes widen, then my world turned black. The last thing I saw, or think I saw, was a tear falling from those beautiful sad blue eyes.

_I have to be dreaming. This has to be a dream. Not once in my life has anyone ever cried over me. Never. This person…who ever it is, they can't be real. I can hear them. I feel them. So warm, it feels so nice. He's shivering? I wish I could move right now. I would hold him; tell him that everything will be all right. Funny thing is, I don't know who this boy is. I can hear him crying, I feel the tears against my cheek, I can feel his hands behind my head and back, holding me close. He sounds so sad. Please, don't cry! I'm happy! Someone is crying for me! Someone knows I exist! Someone knows I'm alive! I'm so happy! Thank you, stranger in my dream! Thank you so much! So please, stop crying? If you stop crying, then maybe we can be friends? I would really like that, if you wouldn't mind? Please, be my friend?_

I was staring at my ceiling, my bedroom ceiling. My light was off, and it was dark out. I sat up in bed and looked at my alarm clock, 3:45 in the morning.

_When did it get so cold? It's freezing!_ I pulled my covers out from under me and that's when I noticed I was still in my school uniform.

_My uniform? Wait, school! I was on the roof when…Oh no…that's right! How could I forget! I broke down in front of that guy! And then…the blue eye boy came…and then…I don't remember._

I rubbed my head when I felt a small headache starting.

_ How did I get home? What happened to school? I can't remember anything!_

I sighed before lying down. I pulled the covers up to my nose and relaxed into my bed. I didn't realize I was so tired. Really tired. Even with my eyes closing, I could still see that beautiful boy, and those sad blue eyes.

…


	2. The Sun will always rise

The next morning went by rather quickly. The whole day was going by fast, that's a first. There was still this heavy hold on my heart. I could barley lift my head to meet anyone's gaze…not that anyway was looking at me. My friends, they never noticed me, whether I was with them or not. I didn't even bother showing up at the table today, it wasn't worth it. Instead, I went up to the roof again. I needed to breath. I felt so down. I need to be away from these people. When I got to the roof, I went to the same spot as yesterday. It was still beautiful.

"I can't believe I want to die. Its so…sad" I said to myself.

"It really is" said a gentle voice. I turned around so fast I think I gave myself whiplash. The only thing I could do was gasp. It was the blue-eyed boy. He was standing by the door. He was tall, and lean with spiky blonde hair that shone like the sun. The strange thing about him was the weird, whisker? Looking marks on his cheeks. Actually they made him look kind of cute.

"But I'm glad you changed your mind" those eyes. They still looked sad, yet there was something else there, I just couldn't place my finger on it. He flashed me a smile and my cheeks heated up. Dammit!

"I-I-I'm-" darn! I was stuttering again! I hung my head down and tried to calm my breathing. It wasn't working.

"Y-yo-I'm- tha" _this is useless! I could feel all those dark emotions stirring up inside me again. Please, don't beak down again! _My heart stopped when I felt his hands cupping my face. He turned my head to look into his eyes.

"It's alright, just calm down. There's no need to rush, just breath." He said. He looked into my eyes and let out this beautiful, goofy smile.

"Ahh" was the poetry that spewed from my mouth. _Smooth Sakura. Smooth._

"Try saying your name" said a deep voice. I turned to my right to see the other boy from yesterday. The dark haired one. I stared into his onyx eyes, they seemed endless.

"S-Sakura" I said hypnotized.

"Sakura Haruno."

"Sakura huh? The name really suits you!" Said the blonde haired boy

"Huh?' was my epic reply.

"Sakura means cherry blossom right?" I nodded.

"Exactly! You're just like the flower! You're beautiful!" he said smiling the goofy smile. I stared at him until I felt my entire face turn red. My face felt so hot! Even the back of my neck was on fire!

"Ah! B-b-beauti-ful?" I felt like the whole world was spinning.

_ He thinks I'M beautiful? ME? It can't be! No one has ever said anything about my physical appearance! Only if my hair was real, or I was wearing contacts. He said I'm beautiful…beautiful! Ahhhhhhhhh I don't know how to handle this! I feel like I'm going to faint!_

"Naruto, you're overdoing it. Your going to make her pass out if you keep this up." Said the deep voice. So the blondes name is…Naruto?

"Eh? Are you serious?" Naruto turned to look at me again. He leaned forward….he was so close!

"Hey are you alright Sakura? You look really red!" he said reaching out for me. I gasped and started crawling backwards, away form him. Wait…when the hell did I get on the floor!

"I-I'm f-fine!" I blurted out. I stood up abruptly.

"Are you sure? Do you have a fever?" he placed his hand on my forehead, then placed his other on his own.

"Hey Sasuke, how can you tell if someone has a fever?" he asked the dark haired one. Meanwhile, I was frozen in complete, and utter shock. He was touching me. He was wondering if I was sick. This is crazy.

"I'm-I'm Dream-dreaming" I said out loud. They both turned to stare at me.

"Sakura? You're not dreaming! Me and Sasuke are really here!" Naruto said smiling. I looked to Sasuke. He nodded.

"N-No way. This c-cant be r-real" I said again. Two boys, here, talking, to ME?

"It is real." Said Sasuke.

"Believe it!" Sad Naruto. I was speechless.

"After yesterday…we were worried about you. You were in so much pain…" Naruto seemed like he was struggling to find the right words.

"Its not fair. For someone as sweet and innocent as you to be treated like dirt! For you to be suffering so much, all alone. It's just not right!" He pulled me in for a hug. My eyes widened, and I just stared at nothing. Only focusing on his words.

"For you to think about throwing away your life…It's sad! I just learned your name today, but from the tears you've cried, I feel like I've known you my whole life! I'm sorry Sakura. I'm sorry you've been alone for so long. I'm sorry you've been hurting all alone. I'm sorry Sakura" He was shaking now. Or was it me? I couldn't tell. I knew I was crying. His words were touching my heart.

"Don't throw you're life away Sakura!" He pulled me back enough so I could look into his eyes. There it was again. That strange look.

"I won't let you" he said fiercely. I realized what the look in his eyes was. Determination.

"I care about you Sakura. I promise, from this day and until the day I die, I will always be here for you. No matter what!" The look in his eyes…he wasn't lying. He meant it. This time, I threw myself on him. I held him as tight as I could. He held me back.

"M-my name is Sakura Haruno, w-will you please-" I choked from crying, cutting myself off.

"Will you be my friend?" I asked him. The dark haired boy had walked around and was kneeling down in front of me. He was smirking as he reached out a hand and pat my head. Naruto pulled me back; he was already smiling that goofy smile I already loved so much.

"Yes" they both said.

It had taken a while but Naruto finally got me to stop crying enough to talk. He told me stories of his friends and all these little adventures he's had.

" Yeah so after I wont the stupid festival I thought that I was finally gonna be able to use the bathroom, but then everyone came running out to congratulate me! At this point, after all the running and having every single person I know in the world stop me, I just let it all go in my pants. It felt awesome!" Naruto said laughing. I let out a laugh of my own. It was strange, hearing my own laugh. At first I couldn't believe it, I didn't even now I could laugh! But now…I don't want to stop. The feeling in my chest…its not that lonesome, painful feeling. It feels…wonderful.

"it was the furthest thing from "awesome" Naruto" Sasuke said. I turned to see Sasuke leaning on the roofs rail. Arms crossed and that same mysterious smirk on his face. I giggled when Naruto blushed and defended tried to defend himself.

"it wasn't that bad Sasuke!" he said

"It was disgusting" was Sasuke's blunt reply. They kept arguing back and forward and I couldn't help but laugh softly.

"You know, you really need to break that habit of shitting your pants you loser" Sasuke fired. I leaned forward holding my stomach as they kept going. My whole body shaking from the laughter I was trying to hold in.

"Yeah well you need to break that habit of being an ass you prick" Naruto shot back. That's it. I couldn't hold it anymore. I let me head fall back and let out a burst of laughter. I didn't notice they turned to look at me.

"…You know Sakura, you have a beautiful laugh" Naruto said. That made me stop. The next few minutes were spent with Naruto trying to keep my from fainting by getting to close, which only made me more flustered, and that made Naruto freak out, which led Sasuke to insult Naruto by calling him a hopeless loser. While Naruto was trying to figure out whether or not I had a fever, I looked up into the sky.

_ And I wanted to throw everything away…_

I closed my eyes and felt the wind blow through my hair.

_To want to throw this away, this wonderful feeling…I really am stupid. If I would have known that life could feel this way, I would have never wanted to give everything up. Now that I know…I can't ever let go. _

I opened my eyes and realized Naruto and Sasuke were staring at me.

"uh" I really need to work on my vocabulary. Naruto smiled at me, his eyes were soft and gentle. Sasuke was looking down at me, but instead of a smirk…

_ Was that a smile?_

Before I could tell, he turned his head away.

"Hey Sakura?" Naruto called.

"Ah, yes N-Naruto?" I asked timidly. He looked like he just had the most amazing idea in the world. Sasuke snapped his head down to Naruto; he had a confused look on his face.

"Why…why were you so sad? That you wanted to…well you know…" he turned to look at the rail I almost jumped off of yesterday.

"oh…"I followed his gaze. I could feel Sasuke watching me, waiting for me to answer.

"people...don't notice me…" I started. Naruto was still looking at the rail, Sasuke at me.

"My friends…don't see me….my family…doesn't remember me…" I stared out into the sky, and memories flooded into my mind.

"My teachers don't even know who I am. I have classmates I've known since I was little but not a single one remembers me. I try to talk, try to get someone to notice me…but its like I'm invisible." Images of me as a little girl came forward. I saw some kids playing by the swings, it looked fun, but I was to scared to talk to them. So I sat under this tree, and everyday for hours, I watched those kids play. The longing grew each day I sat there. They knew I was there, but they never asked me to join them. I can remember the day perfectly, the day I finally had the courage to go and ask them if I could play too. I walked up to the swing and waited until one of them looked at me. They did see me, one by one they saw me, but never even waved hello. They would stare at me from the corner of their eyes, waiting to see if I would do something…looking back now, they probably wanted me to leave. I tried to get their attention, everything I tried to speak someone would shout or yell, so no one could hear me. They started to leave, each one walking by me, not even glancing in my direction. Before the last one walked away, I grabbed his hand. He turned and looked into my eyes. Finally, the first one who looked into my eyes! I took a deep breath and tried to calm my racing heart.

"Um…c-can I play with y-ou?" I finally asked. The boy looked at me. Then, as if I had never even grabbed him, he turned and walked away. I watched him go and felt my heart sinking with every step he took. After that, it only got worse.

"People…don't want to notice me…yesterday…I guess it just got to be to much for me. I was so alone…" I looked down at my lap. I saw Sasuke turn his head away.

"I…I don't want to be invisible anymore…I want to play with my friends, I want to talk about things I like, I want people to listen to me, I want to go out on dates, I want people to look at me! I want people to look and see me! " I don't remember when I stood up, but I was yelling now.

"Its not fair! Why can't anyone ever see me? why do people just ignore me! do they even realize what it feels like? To always try and speak out, but they choose NOT to hear me! it doesn't matter how hard I try! They refuse to hear me! they act like I'm a ghost! For 15 years of my life! 15 years of being alone with no one to talk to! No one to listen! How can I not resort to trying to-" Naruto cut me off from my rant, he was holding me close.

"You wont be alone anymore. I promise." He whispered. I was crying again, breathing hard, everything from yesterday came back, and I found myself wishing I was leaning over the rail again.


End file.
